she woke up with a sticky ear
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
