Pappa wants mamma naked
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize