Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
