Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
