Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
