Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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