She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
