i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
