Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
