I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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