You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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