I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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