shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize