Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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