Plan B is the new Plan A
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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