nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
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