Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize