He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
