youre lurking in front of me
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
