I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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