No more Irish car bombs ever.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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