even my farts smell like vagina
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize