There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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