don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
