I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
