You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
