I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
