I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
