I think i peed on brittanys purse
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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