i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
