oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
