I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
