New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
