that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
