I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Rumble strips road head = magical
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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