Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
