I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
