Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
