Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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