I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
