I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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