so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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