So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
