Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
