No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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