Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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