.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
