I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
