I think I won the penis lottery.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
