just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
