they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
