I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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