just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize