There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
