Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
