I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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