A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
