What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
