My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
