i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
