Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize