Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
