he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My ass is underappreciated
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
