I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
