he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
