My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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