ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
