Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
