I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
