Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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